Taking Time

time  tīm/noun

noun: time; plural noun: times

1.

the indefinite continued progress of existence and events in the past, present, and future regarded as a whole.

I have been thinking a lot about this lately. Not just because it is part of the goal of this blog, but because it was my birthday, my daughters birthday and the anniversary of my Grandfathers passing.

I also recently (with my time in Toronto) had the opportunity to reflect on how the passing of time seems to vary on the company I keep and what I accomplish in one day. I used to measure the success of my day based upon the number of things I managed to complete, or significantly diminish. Not so much anymore. I understand the value of a nap, the merit of a good conversation and the absorption of a good book.

It's Izzy's birthday this month and she couldn't be more excited. Not that long ago she was crying because she thought her birthday would never get here, I think that was two weeks ago. Children's concept of time, especially when they're younger is completely warped. Have you noticed they will say everything happened yesterday - even if it was months ago?

 

Izzy's first steps...feels like it WAS yesterday... 

Time is such an abstract concept it can only be learned by experiencing it. The older I get the more I value it, and the less perplexed I am when an entire day slips away.  And maybe the idea that "everything happened yesterday" is not such a bad theory after all. If the moments we have now create the memories for tomorrow, then a child's' concept of time is a good reminder that the things we remember may seem as if they just happened just yesterday. Be good to one another, especially the little people in your life. They might be remembering you like it was yesterday.

“No matter how much time passes, no matter what takes place in the interim, there are some things we can never assign to oblivion, memories we can never rub away.”
― Haruki Murakami, Kafka on the Shore

Parenting: Girls Vs. Boys

 

Sugar and Spice and Everything's Nice. Photograph by Rich Hunt.

Blue is for boys and pink is for girls…right? Society has long debated the answer to this- and many other gendered queries. There is no question that boys and girls are different, and that those differences are just a part of what make each of unique. So is parenting a boy versus a girl a vastly dissimilar experience? Are children of the same sex likely to all have the same attributes? Copious studies have been done on this very idea. 

I won’t claim to have the answers to these questions, but I do have two brothers and friends with boys, and let me tell you, the debate is an interesting one. Attend any mothering group or talk to parents who have one of each and you will hear opinions about how raising a girl is different from raising a boy. Boys tend to be rougher with their toys, girls are cuddlier, boys are rambunctious while girls can sit longer and play quietly. Maybe. But then there’s my Izzy who takes everything apart and loves to play cars, and my nephew Hudson, who cuddles his bear like a baby. Perhaps toys are just toys.

All girls are not ‘sugar and spice’ and all boys are not ‘snails and puppy dog tails.’ In reality, all of us have each of these attributes and appreciation of both is an important part of becoming who we are and will be.  

All I can hope for my girls is that they grow up understanding that they are free to make choices based on their likes and dislikes, their skills and passions. Their gender, while an important and vital part of who they are does not define what their goals are or who they should be.  

Jimmy Kimmel talks to kids about the differences between boys and girls.

 

Sibling Rivalry

Abby and Izzy play together very well. They will spend hours making up plays, complete with wardrobe changes, songs and piano interludes. However, there are certainly times when their play will escalate into a disagreement. Recently I decided to allow them time to try and work out their arguments. I discovered that they were able work out their differences quickly and creatively without my stepping in with a solution at the first sign of upset.

Last night I overheard this:

Abby: “I WANT TO BE THE MOM!”

Izzy:  “I WANT TO BE THE MOM!”

Abby: “YOU WERE THE MOM LAST TIME. I’M THE MOM OR I’M NOT PLAYING!”

Izzy: “FINE. Play by yourself.”

Abby: “YOU PLAY BY YOURSELF! I’m getting out of here!”

(stomping, silence for about 30 seconds)

Izzy: “Okay, you can be the Mom. But I’m the Nanny, I don’t want to be a Dad because I want to wear the princess dress and be a girl.”

Abby: “Okay, but you have to let me drive the car.”

I am learning that the key to managing these minor battles is knowing when it’s time to help them find a solution and when it's best to let them solve it on their own. My parental attitude and reaction also plays an important role in how they learn to react to each other. Maybe that’s the point, they’re learning how to problem solve, and I'm learning that I don’t always have to take on that role. Perhaps we should all allow more time to just sit back and enjoy the show.

Why I Wanted to Write This Blog

Agreeing to parent is like agreeing to forgo things you didn’t even know you took advantage of before you had kids. Like sitting down, or sleeping, or going to a restaurant for dinner that doesn’t have plastic cups with cartoon drawings on them. It’s also about being jumped on, peed on, barfed on, pinched, squished, stretched, and mauled. Your patience will be tried, you will learn how to say the same thing many times and be ignored. Some days you will wonder how you got to this point. Other days you will embrace each moment with great appreciation and an unfounded love you didn’t know existed.

Of course it’s also agreeing to be randomly hugged, kissed, told you are loved, and appointed leader of your own tribe.  

This blog is about these things and all the ridiculous, wonderful, tiring, lovely, imaginative things I am blessed to experience on a daily basis. I hope to inspire people to really listen to what the children in their lives have to say. Children are here to teach us as much as we are here to guide them. Listen closely they may also remind you of a feeling, or an idea you had forgotten in your busy adult life.

Abby, 5 years old: “I spun around around and around until I fell down and in my mind it was like I was flying.”

Now go spin around somewhere. I bet you haven’t done that in a while.