Don't Worry "Be" Happy

At what point do we start thinking about what we want to “be” when we grow up?

I distinctly remember an age when I realized that math was difficult for me. I remember my teacher, Mrs. Harrison staying after class with me to explain roman numerals and staring at the times tables chart over my paper bag lunches trying to memorize a pattern. Putting everything into a song really worked for me and I managed to coast through okay.

This week Abby (7) brought home a drawing illustrating that she wants to be a dentist when she grows up.  When I asked her why she said, “So I can laser my Dad’s teeth if he gets another ache in his mouth.” It’s true her Dad is terrified of dentists and has been his whole life. So Abby is graciously offering to be a dentist to help take care of him. This may actually prove to be good motivation. I guess only time will tell.

I know it's not intentional but the patient looks terrified to me...

When I then asked Izzy (5) what she wants to be she said, “Oh I don’t want to do anything, I’m just going to be a Mom.” I admit to choking on my coffee but I can explain what she meant, I think. There has been great debate about me working outside of the home; they don’t like the idea of me not being here even though they will both be in school.

Since my career is currently in flux, and having just completed college for the second time, I’m currently asking myself what I want to “be” all over again. The question is a daunting one. The truth is, none of us are just one tidy description and maybe it’s less about wanting to “be” something and more about finding out who we already are.

I don’t actually care what my girls decide to do for a career, providing they are happy and healthy and able to provide for themselves. Yes, I subscribe to the same adage my parents repeated and I never actually believed until I became a parent myself, “I just want you to be happy.” Honestly that’s all I want for anyone and everyone, especially my girls. Perhaps that’s a goal we can all work on achieving, even if just for today.

Taking Time

time  tīm/noun

noun: time; plural noun: times

1.

the indefinite continued progress of existence and events in the past, present, and future regarded as a whole.

I have been thinking a lot about this lately. Not just because it is part of the goal of this blog, but because it was my birthday, my daughters birthday and the anniversary of my Grandfathers passing.

I also recently (with my time in Toronto) had the opportunity to reflect on how the passing of time seems to vary on the company I keep and what I accomplish in one day. I used to measure the success of my day based upon the number of things I managed to complete, or significantly diminish. Not so much anymore. I understand the value of a nap, the merit of a good conversation and the absorption of a good book.

It's Izzy's birthday this month and she couldn't be more excited. Not that long ago she was crying because she thought her birthday would never get here, I think that was two weeks ago. Children's concept of time, especially when they're younger is completely warped. Have you noticed they will say everything happened yesterday - even if it was months ago?

 

Izzy's first steps...feels like it WAS yesterday... 

Time is such an abstract concept it can only be learned by experiencing it. The older I get the more I value it, and the less perplexed I am when an entire day slips away.  And maybe the idea that "everything happened yesterday" is not such a bad theory after all. If the moments we have now create the memories for tomorrow, then a child's' concept of time is a good reminder that the things we remember may seem as if they just happened just yesterday. Be good to one another, especially the little people in your life. They might be remembering you like it was yesterday.

“No matter how much time passes, no matter what takes place in the interim, there are some things we can never assign to oblivion, memories we can never rub away.”
― Haruki Murakami, Kafka on the Shore

Big City - Big Deal?

CN Tower - Toronto's beacon!

I have spent the last week on my own in the big city of Toronto without my girls. So the story I have to report comes from a place of observing other mothers working their way through the city with toddlers and strollers in tow.  I have to admit I didn't think I would miss my little ladies as much as I most certainly did. I thought this new found freedom would empower my perspective - and it did - but there was also the emptiness of not being needed on a 24 hour basis. That's right, the very thing I thought would be the best part of being alone was what had me musing at the complexity of what I used to accomplish in an average day.

I felt like the universe was constantly reminding me of their precious faces by showing me an onslaught of other mothers and their children navigating the city streets. Were there always so many moms pushing strollers down Queen Street West, riding the subway and playing in the park? I don't think I ever noticed the little playgrounds everywhere or the accessibility of a streetcar until this week. 

I guarantee you I never once saw a streetcar moving anywhere what looked like this fast.

It was encouraging to see all the smiling mothers and fathers out with their kids, pounding the concrete in unison. Visits with my city dwelling friends encouraged me on my new path and offered their arms and homes to help me and my kids if we should embark on a life there. I wondered if the city life could be for me and mine sometime in the near future? There are certainly other parents living here and looking quite stylish doing it too! Perhaps it doesn't matter where you live, it's the support of the community and the brevity of each individual that encourages us forward into new avenues. I do know that no matter where I am in life I will always take time to see the sky through the skyscrapers.

Toronto financial district, looking up!

I can't wait to take my ladies into the big city and get their perspective on all there is to look up to. Here is a great on-line discussion about big city vs small town parenting.

 
 

 

The Motherload...

 Recently I took time to watch the very poignant and interesting documentary, The Motherload on CBC Doc Zone. I encourage all mothers and fathers to take a look, I'd be surprised if you didn't find yourself or another mother you loved represented in this piece.

I'll admit I have been wonderfully blessed in that I have been able to be home with both my girls until they were both able to go to school full time, and here in Ontario that means the tender of age of four. Not so for other areas of this fine country. 

However, in two short weeks I will be embarking on the final stage of my Public Relations Diploma and embarking on an internship in Toronto. Since I live almost two hours away from this great city I will be living in Toronto during the week and my Mom will be watching the girls for me. How blessed is that, right? Right? 

Okay, so it's an ideal internship, that suite my previous experience and will hopefully further my career after being a stay at home Mom (with a part time job through some of it) for six years - but I would be lying to you and to myself if I didn't admit the transition is going to be tough.

I'm doing it for my girls, I want to be self-sufficient and I want to continue to grow and use my past career skills in television/film production, so why do I feel so guilty? Because I won't be making their packed lunches or picking them up from school for four weeks? Because I won't have to come home and wrangle a dinner from whatever leftovers are in the fridge? Nope. It's because I've taken this job as a mother very seriously, and given it my all. It's like being promoted away from a team who want you to stay. 

In some small way I am making a choice to step away from those tedious daily routines and embark on something that begins solely within me. Oh, I know all those tasks are still there and will be waiting for me in a months time, but how will I be able to focus on all the wonderful nuances of their hilarious rapture? 

In April I will be able to share what my girls continue to teach me about how to handle change, what to do when routines are different and ways to really tell someone how much you miss them when they are away. I will continue to engage with them as I always have and will have all new stories of my own to share with them.